How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
