theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
