my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Vodka?
Forever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
