I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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