I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize