it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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