i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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