piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
