did you get engaged???
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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