PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
