Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
