let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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