I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
