I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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