You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
