dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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