I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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