reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
