I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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