All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
