is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
