What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he laminated a picture of his dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
