Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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