I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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