very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
