guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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