Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
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I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
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