It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize