1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
