There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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