You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
