Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
