I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
