I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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