Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
