Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
