ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sober January is a disaster.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
