I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
