So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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