you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
