Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
