Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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