Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
