he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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