I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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