Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Two words: blizzard sex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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