I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
