i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
