You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
