But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
