I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
