Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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