The maid of honor just puked.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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