i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
