im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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