# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
