My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
