I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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