he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
