I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize