True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
