Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
