Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
