she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
