trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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