jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
