i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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