I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
