Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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