i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
