You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
