I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Boobs speak an international language.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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