I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
