Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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