so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
