I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
