If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
