Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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