i think my mom watched the whole time
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
