In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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