Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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