Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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